10 Struggles Women Have that are Highly Overlooked when living "Modest"
Honestly, I was going to name this post 10 reasons why girls have it worse than guys... but I decided to tone it down a little bit.
So in my last post I mentioned a little shade at the guys. When you’re trying to live a life modestly, I believe whole heartedly that the girls have it a lot worse than the guys. You have a right to your opinion, so if you don’t agree than that’s fine by me. However, being a woman I know the struggles that we’ve gone through and we have to deal with quite a bit. And even if there are still a lot of rules for the men to follow, the women definitely get dress coded and called out a lot more than the guys. It’s a fact. People are more quick and eager to call out a sister wearing something too tight or too short or too low, rather than a brother who might possibly be wearing something a little too flashy or pants that are a little tight. I mean come on, we see it all the time in our society today. It takes two people get down but who get's called certain names and who get's to walk away without any consequences? You already know.
And no, I'm not "anti-men"... I have a lot of amazing men in my life, however, I am a Feminist. For sure. And if I've never voiced it out loud before than I'm sure you must've gotten some hints between the content I post and the words I speak.
So I’m here to bring everything to the surface. Unapologetically.
Reason #1: As mentioned above, DRESS CODING is a big one. I'm not sure if people just think that we should walk around in big baggy clothes but that's not it. There are ways of wearing modest clothes that fit nicely on our diverse body shapes. Let's be honest here, when walking anywhere, who is more likely to stand out if their attire isn't "100% modest and acceptable"...? it's the hers and she's more than the he's and hims. These aren't just my thoughts but many others as well! I've asked, I've had deep thought provoking conversations with close friends and I've seen it go down in action plenty of times.
Reason #2: The more curves she has, the more inappropriate her outfit is. Now I'm going to list a lot of other reasons, but I just had to make a separate bullet for this topic because this needs to be said. I feel like there are just some people who believe that clothes has to be big and flowy and just "too much" to be considered "appropriate". Speaking from experience, there are plenty of us skinny girls out there (for starters) who tend to have a certain problem with are behinds. Yes, I'm being raw with it. If our size is small and it has to fit our waist and the small bit of bust we have at the top then odds are it was fashioned to fit a smaller behind, but not all of us have small ones or "flatter ones". Sooo, I for one had to make it a habit of buying medium sized skirts, and if the waist was too loose, I'd pin it or sew it in. All of this, just to make sure that none of my skirts were hugging my behind. And I'm pretty sure other sized women have had similar experiences when it fits perfectly in one place and not so perfectly in the next. Let me say this, just because you see someone's butt, doesn't mean that their outfit is inappropriate. We all have butts! You're gonna see them! Just not so intricately and inappropriately. I'm just saying this because over these many years I've heard it and seen it. Small behinds or big behinds, you're gonna see them and depending on the type of material, many times we see underwear linings as well. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT'S TOO TIGHT OR SNUG! I've had many times where I'm layered up and I put on a skirt that emphasizes and hangs on every bump and lining from underneath. I hate it! But most of those skirts with the light, stretchy material tend to be LOOSE AND FLOWY anyways. It's a struggle that many of us have had to deal with and it's gotten to the point where we just cover it up. Either with long duster sweaters and cardigans or with bigger skirts like circle or pleated skirts that consist of a lot of material. Do we get told to cover up our boobs (when they're covered correctly) as much as our butts, nah. That's never been a problem that I've had personally but just think of it this way, we can't hide them! Just like any other body part of ours. We do our best to cover up and dress modestly. Making sure that we don't have low necklines and tight skirts/dresses but after that... it's out of our control. They're gonna be seen at the end of the day but just because they're seen, doesn't mean that we're being immodest. It simple just shows that we are women.
Reason #3: Active. We love to be active!!! But whenever it's time for us to have fun out in public, it becomes too much of a hassle. We have to wear leggings underneath, especially if we're wearing a skirt that's a little shorter. Thennn, we're forced to keep our heads covered still, which honestly isn't a big problem. When I work out I prefer to have my hair in a high bun that way it doesn't get in my way or touch me when I'm doing what I'm doing. Plus, when you get hot and sweaty, you want as less layers as possible. And the amount of clothes we have to wear just to workout or do something active in public is insane. We get it... we're trying to live holy, modest, humble lives. I think I speak for everyone when I say that someone needs to open up a gym for ONLY WOMEN, with ONLY WOMEN STAFF. That way, I can work out in what I choose and not have to worry about being covered up.
It's just so much of an inconvenience at times. Even when it comes to amusement parks and rides. Any ride or go-cart, etc that has a safety belt in between the legs is a big no. unless of course we're wearing leggings and it's not too high, depending on what it is. It's SO annoying. Of course people who wear pants, (cough cough, all the guys...) don't ever have to think twice before getting on any ride, but it's different for us. And yeah, sometimes it sucks.
Reason #4: Having to wear a head covering all the time in public. Let's get one thing straight, I LOVE wearing my headcoverings. They've become an attachment of me, it's who I am. I'm happy to do it. But sometimes there are "malfunctions". Firstly, for church. Make sure it is pinned down sis, we all know what happens if it's not. Secondly, the amount of money that we have to spend on scarves, hats... (no to mention the slips, tights, leggings, bras, layering tops....) We have a lot more expenses than the guys for sure when it comes to dressing and buying clothes. Back to my main topic tho... we always have to have our heads covered. Which again I don't mind, but while everyone gets to boast and brag and show their new fresh cuts and fades, we have to sit back on the sidelines. And I know it's not just me who wishes that at times I could just walk outside with my afro in full bloom or with a full head of bantu knots... it's so hard trying to find ways to keep my head covered with styles like that. Plus! all the times we graduated with those caps that were clearly not made for curly, kinky haired girls. It Was A Struggle... I transformed mine into a headband, which you can watch right here!
But again, being modest consists of being natural and owning the body and traits that God gave us. My sad story was that I learned to love my hair after transitioning fully into the modest lifestyle and I didn't know it then, but that was the last time I would be walking around public without a headcovering... all those times I could've worn my beautiful natural hair out lol. Now it's gotta be and it's gotta stay covered. But yeah... sometimes it'd be nice to get some breeze and just let everything out or have a head fully styled without stressing about how we're going to properly cover the crowns of our head.
Reason #5: The Water. Again, this probably isn't a problem if it's just us girls. But what happens when it's not. We want to enjoy water sports and water parks and lakes and beaches without stressing about "Oh, once my clothes get wet, it reveals everything." Look, I'm a pretty inventive person, especially when it comes to making clothes but even I still haven't figured out an affordable way to allow us to wear something waterproof, modest and downright comfortable. We've all become Aquamarines in the fact that whenever there's water... ooop, let me not get too close or in it too high to where it clings to my body and shows everything.
Reason #6: The questions! Yes, I'm woke. I know that usually if a guy is acting and always dressing modestly that maybe some people might ask him if he's religious or something. But for us, it's an everyday thing! From starting in middle school and high school, to college, to any and all jobs I had! Always. "Why do you always wear skirts?" "Why do you wear that on your head?" "Do you ever wear pants?" "Do you ever want to?" "Can you wear a skirt to like right here?" "I wanna see your hair!" And the list goes on, it's annoying and there's nothing that we can do about it besides answering politely and moving on with our lives. If it's not the questions then it's the looks. Why say something with your mouth when you can say something with your expressions instead, right? Not all of them are nice looks either. But we are She's and Her's and we are strong and courageous and beautiful and unbothered so we deal with it. On the daily.
Reason #7: Sports. Some of us are very athletic. And yeah, I might have already mentioned being active and amusement parks, but sports deserved it's on bullet. If you've grown up living a modest life then I'm pretty sure you might have experienced wanting to play a sport. Sure, your parents might say "yeah go right ahead", but some of us on the other hand didn't experience that side of optimism. Instead it was, "No because you can't wear pants/shorts, so you'd have to wear a skirt and you're not wearing a skirt." "There's no way you'd be able to run in a skirt that long, blah blah blah." Yeah, many of us girls weren't allowed to play sports because of the fact that we had to wear skirts. Because of the fact that other people didn't think we could do it. Because in someone's book, skirts are a no for sports except for tennis or cheerleading. Which clearly, none of us would be caught doing the latter.
Reason #8: Layers. I know a lot of us struggled with learning how to layer our clothes back in the early days. You have to take length, color, fabric, looseness, etc... all into consideration. Many times it was a hit and miss, and as some of you saw in my fashion journey glow-up, I had a problem with layering in the beginning too. It was hard. I don't think people ever take that into consideration. We're putting on a bra, maybe a tank top or cami, then a t-shirt or longer shirt then possibly another shirt or sweater and then a coat/jacket (depending on the weather). Likeeee, it's a lot and the same goes with our bottoms. Tights/leggings/or nothing (depending on weather) then always a slip or extra skirt underneath so that our clothes isn't see through. And then our main skirt on top. How do you style things like that? You learn and you grow, just like a lot of us amazing women have had to do. It was a journey for sure. It still is. Like my skirt can be very loose and when I walk or if it's windy, it just starts to bunch up and rise up when I'm walking... it's ANNOYING! But again, women are awesome... so we deal with it.
Reason #9: "Our heads aren't covered". Plenty of us have had a struggle with this and I'm not gonna act as if I'm perfect and my head has always been properly covered because odds are there were times when it may have slipped back or slipped forward. We're not perfect. When it comes to covering the crown of our head, many of us have dealt with accusations that our heads weren't covered at some point. You scarf is starting too far back, it needs to be covered more, why not just wear a full scarf and cover the whole thing! It's HARD.
And I'm talking right now for all my long curly haired women here because their have been plenty of times when I've worn a scarf and my hair fell down a certain way making it look like my scarf was smaller or "shorter" than it actually was. I might not have dealt with a lot of other "fashion accusations" but head coverings were a big one for me. I've spent hours in front of the mirror figuring out how to have and keep my head covered for certain styles and with my kind of hair. I've pretty much mastered it now, but before it was challenging. Y'all know that pineapple headwrap style?
I love that style with my natural hair but technically speaking, it doesn't exactly cover the crown area. So what did I do? I wore two scarves. A black one underneath that covered my head and then while putting on the other scarf in the pineapple style, my hair being long enough to fall down after being wrapped up, covered parts of my head that some people thought "wasn't covered". But underneath, THERE WAS THE BLACK SCARF! Covering every area that needed to be covered. See, we learn. We try, we fail, we learn and we just keep going.
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Reason #10: "You can't do it". Modest fashion has and probably will always hold an image around women in small minded people that we are incapable of being or doing something simple just for how we look and what we wear. Who's to say we can't apply for a certain job or try a sport or workout and everything else in a skirt! With a headcovering! Covering our bodies! the way we should!
Never underestimate a woman. I've said it over plenty of times, and I will forever continue to say it. Let's not talk about all the times women deceived (cough cough Delilah) and came in clutch in the bible... what's to say we can't do the same? (the good stuff I mean lol) If there's one thing that anyone should learn about women walking in modest apparel it's this, never judge a book by it's cover... never judge a woman but her cover and her coverings... never underestimate her... never prejudge her and her abilities before you even know her. Rest assured, she is brewing something deep down within herself that could be deemed as an amazing super power you only wished you could obtain. For she is beautiful and amazing beyond what any physical eye can see.
Well there you go. You've got my 10 reasons. Of course there are plenty of others but this is just the start. As National Womans Month continues to continue, I will continue to make content to continue our discussions on the excellence of women. We have a lot of things to cover, and well, that's to be expected. We are amazing human beings after all. Much Love.